A curly coiffed bleached blond with pouty pink, lips poses with her freshly painted portrait. Judging by the sensible settee she is sitting on and the charming chest of drawers beside her the interior décor of her Miami motel room is French provincial as is the frame of the haunting Mona Lisa-esque picture. Although it appears she is wearing nothing she is. If you look closely she’s scantily clad in a baby blue short-short set, which could well be the glamorous off the shoulder v-neck number she is wearing in the portrait.

She teaches us a lesson. Don’t let you life pass you by without having your portrait done.
And oh yeah…SMILE Mona Lisa!

Do you now of any portrait artists?

Here’s to French provincial furniture and having your portrait painted!

“In terms of size and attendence, the Los Angeles County Fair is considered the largest county fair in the nation. And it takes a big personality to cover all the fun. Self-proclaimed “histo-tainer” Charles Phoenix visits the fair in search of extraordinary livestock, deep-fried Twinkies, and a high-stakes beanbag toss.”

Listen in on Charles’ LA County Fair visit on NPR.

A light beacon towers atop the Farmers Union Building. In front of that a rooftop parking lot. How modern! The minimalist post and beam building in the middle epitomizes mid-century office mod. The skyline wears the red Conoco triangle like a woman wears a broach on a suit. The peach topped and trimmed building on the left bears a striking resemblance to an art deco-y Miami resort hotel tower.

Speaking of Denver I recently did a show there and got the royal tour of classic and kitschy places in the legendary mile-high Silver City. I had NO idea Denver had so much to offer.

My number one priority was having a delicious Mexican dinner (and it was delicious aright!) at one of the most over the top themed restaurants ever and timeless-classic monument to kitsch, CASA BONITA. This very well preserved, and still-amazing-after-all-the years, Americana classic of the highest order is a spellbinding time warp of the year it was built, 1973. It’s worth a trip from anywhere to experience. Eight or so individually themed dining rooms overlook a central two story waterfall where human divers take the plunge Acapulco style every twenty minutes. Each dining room is more amazing than the next. There’s the stalagmite and stalactite room; the western room; Aztec jungle room; the Cinderella and Prince Charming Room and several others. You can even have dinner behind bars in jail. They also have a baby-scale puppet theater, scary walk-through monster cave, temptation filled gift shop and beret-wearing caricature artist. I can’t wait to go back!

Next it was downtown to THE CRUISE ROOM, an original, 1933 art deco bar designed to resemble that of a trans Atlantic Ocean liner. The ultra-flattering flamingo pink lighting makes this picture-perfect jewel box-of-a bar the most glamorous room I’ve ever had the pleasure of drinking in. You will LOVE this place!

The next day I wandered around APAPAHOE ACRES, the most amazing mid-century post and beam modern neighborhood I’ve ever toured. I was hypnotized by the 125 classic Sunset Magazine style wood, brick, stone and glass mid-century modern homes, each one different, all built between 1948 and 1955.

But the highlight of my Denver trip was meeting the beloved 106-year old owner of ROCKMOUNT RANCH WEAR in his downtown shop where he still goes to work every day. He claims to be what Henry Ford was to the car he was to the Western shirt. He began manufacturing them in 1946. Please, when you go buy a Western Shirt or two from him, tell him I said hello!

Here’s to Casa Bonita, The Cruise Room, Arapahoe Acres, the 106-year old owner of ROCKMOUNT RANCH WEAR and YOU!

This is the “flat on your back, put your legs up grab your buttocks” pose. May the fairest of them all wear the crown and cape.

Southern Californians are very lucky because the LOS ANGELES COUNTY FAIR is on NOW! Did you know it’s the BIGGEST and most WONDERFUL county fair on earth. And there really are SO many things to see and experience! Every year I recommend the gigantic classic kitsch fest to even my snootiest friends – and they love it too!!! And if you think the fair is too tacky for you- think again – really! I’m here to tell you it is Southern California’s BEST KEPT SECRET!!! I cannot recommend it enough. It’s an endless wonderland of mesmerizing things to see- something for everyone!

The uber-grand scale arts and crafts, photography, hot rod, fried-food, pop-culture, miracle product, gadget, Ferris wheel, railroad, garden and barnyard showcase and, SO much more, is set in a treasure trove of vintage architecture, public art, neon signs, landscaping and unique permanent attractions from the 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s. The historic fairgrounds are in Pomona (yes, named for the Roman Goddess of fruit), the same site where it all began 85 years ago in 1922. This is a “Southern Californialand” tradition of the highest order.

Make sure to get there early and plan to stay late so you can see it all. PLEASE don’t forget to bring your camera – it’s a photographer’s paradise, your wallet – it’s a shopper’s paradise and your appetite for all things fatty-salty-sweet and deliciously deep-fried. ENJOY!!!

Your imagination will be inspired and your spirit will soar!

Please send me YOUR fair comments/recommendations!!!

Here’s to THE LOS ANGELES COUNTY FAIR and you!!!

1970s vintage dancing felt guitars playing themselves take center stage at a puppet show extravaganza this labor day weekend. at the “Fantasyland” of Downtown Los Angeles, The Bob Baker Marionette Theater – a landmark since 1961. Metallic Martians from outer space, glow-in-the-dark dancing skeletons and fez wearing monkeys along with dozens of other vintage handmade Bob Baker puppets appear in a wide variety of amazing musical/comedy acts from every decade since the 1930s.

I will host the colorful tribute to the worlds greatest puppeteer and puppet show extravaganza and tell the story of Bobs life and 75+ year career as a puppet showman with a short film and vintage slide show. Cake and ice cream reception will follow the final act – a performance by he master himself!

Here’s to Bob Baker, his amazing Marionettes and YOU!!

BOB BAKER: THIS IS YOUR LIFE! LABOR DAY WEEKEND!
—THURS-FRI-SAT @ 8
—SUN @ 2
Tickets and Info

Happy smiles paint the faces of a plain wrap married couple. He half-heartedly wraps his arm around her and lifts a ladle full of artificially colored and flavored lime punch topped off by what I wish I could call a floating and melting lime ice cream-berg (but I can’t because its sherbet). This is their Kodak moment.

For the momentous occasion she wears a scoop neck, short sleeve, self-belted cotton housedress cut in the plainest of prints. He sports his well-worn and wrinkled work clothes.

The “good dishes”, mass produced and printed with decals depicting early Americana scenes, are displayed sitting and standing in a bias cut, built in knotty pine corner shelf. A male/female pair of airbrushed ceramic pheasants are centered on the bottom shelf. The knotty pine continues just below the room’s waistline. What’s not covered with pine is covered with mass-produced wallpaper printed with a mild modern motif, offering more depth than design. The shiny bright brass wannabee wallhangers have an earth/moon relationship.

On a bleached but unpressed table cloth almost perfectly placed forks and spoons sit at attention before a quarter sheet cake frosted in a crowd pleasing, creamy-dreamy combination of white lard and powdered sugar. Pretty pale pink roses and silver foil leaves provide elegance and sophistication not only to the cake but to the entire occasion. A lone gift wrapped hobo-style in several layers of white tissue tied with fancy silver ribbon curls sits up against the wall. Glass cups, ready for service, are scattered beside their mother ship the all mighty punch bowl.

Luscious Lime Punch

• 1 gallon of seven-up
• 1 pint of lime sherbet
• 4 drops green food coloring
• 1 drop of yellow food coloring
• 2 dozen ice cubes

Serve in chilled punch bowl with American pride! And may you be as proud of it as they are! ENJOY! Oh, and one more thing SPIKE IF YOU LIKE!

Here’s to them, the punch, the punch bowl and YOU!

In the tradition of the Astro Weenie Ball and the Astro Weenie Christmas Tree I oh-so proudly present to you…THE FLAMING ASTRO WEENIE PINEAPPLE! Arrive at a party with this in hand and, yes, you will be the belle of the ball! Or have it as a centerpiece at your next TIKI PARTY! Or present it in place of a birthday cake. The ASTRO WEENIE PINEAPPLE is perfect for any festive occasion!

Shopping list

• 1 attractive pineapple
• 1 can of pineapple chunks
• 1 package of cocktail weenies
• 3 drops yellow food coloring
• 1 jar of maraschino cherries
• multi-colored toothpicks
• kabob skewers
• birthday cake candles

Begin by frying up the cocktail weenies in your favorite skillet until they they smell up the whole house. Breathe deep cocktail weenies smell really good. Gobble down a few. They taste good too!

Trim any brown off of the pineapple top. Drain the pineapple chunks overnight. Toss them in a bowl with three drops of yellow food coloring. (Otherwise they will look way too dull next to the Maraschino cherries!)

Try to contain your gasps of joy as you skewer the pineapple chunks and Maraschino cherries with multi-colored toothpicks and carefully place them in a spiral pattern wrapping all around the pineapple base.

Now the crowing touch. Skewer a cherry, pineapple chunk and weenie on the non sharp end of the kabob skewer. (Too bad they aren’t multi colored! Oh well.) Skewer the weenie just half way so you can stick the birthday cake candle on the other side. Stick the candle/weenie/pineapple chunk/maraschino cherry tipped kabob skewer in the pineapple top as you see I’ve done.

Have a someone or two help you light the candles. Then for proper presentation turn off the lights. Clutch the bottom of the pineapple in the palm of your hand and hold it up like the statue of liberty holds the flame. You are so Americana!

I wanna see your ASTRO WEENIE PINEAPPLE! Send me a pic and I’ll post it on my site for all to see!

Here’s to my ASTRO WEENIE PINEAPPLE, your ASTRO WEENIE PINEAPPLE and YOU!

Mass produced still life prints hang window side. Warm light glows through curtains matching colorless walls. Bleached cotton dresses the table. Cloth napkins neatly folded into triangle shapes sit on the good china set asymmetrically. A faux copper shaded hurricane lamp hangs has the best view.

The gentlemen of the house experience a moment of family pride posing for this “dinner is served” portrait. A trio of shirt styles dress, shirt, sport and tee, provide a variety proper dinner fashions. The life force of the tempting, tasty spread inspires big brother to show off in the form of primal brute strength. Together they are about to enjoy sliced Virginia baked ham, roast tom turkey and dressing, twice baked potatoes, deviled eggs, green vegetables, baked apples a the julienned cheese-topped centerpiece dish. To wash it all down an oh-so appetizing poison green beverage served in tall glasses on ice. And for desert matching glow-in-the dark Jell-O topped with pineapple rings finished with Maraschino cherries. Looks like radiator fluid to me!

Here’s to Sunday Dinner, whatever the poison green stuff is and YOU!