Here in the kingdom of Southern Californialand we don’t have a king, but we do have a queen – the Rose Queen. Her reign is brief – just a year. The Queen and her court work their way up through the charm schools and debutant balls of the San Gabriel Valley. The highest call of duty for the bevy of beauties is waving very properly to their subjects and cradling a super-sized bouquet of red roses like a baby while being strapped on a flower covered barge vehicle riding toward the morning sun of the first day of the New Year. Palm trees and crystal clear blue sky provide the picture perfect backdrop.

Without a doubt the Rose Parade is the grandest and most detailed parade on the planet. Its run with military precision by an army of men and woman dressed red blazers over white shirts, pants and shoes. It oh-so civilized. The prized show horses, champion marching bands and, most importantly, the giant, rolling flower petal art procession have been a New Years Day tradition on Colorado Boulevard since 1890. If this is not American I don’t know what is!

If you’ve never been to the parade in person WHAT are you waiting for? It’s waaaaaaaaaaaaay more dazzling and fragrant in person and a zillion times better than it is on TV. You don’t have to get there the night before to get a great spot. The trick is to get a spot at the end of the route – Colorado and Sierra Madre. Get there about 8:30AM.

DIRECTIONS…From LA take the San Bernardino Fwy (10) exit at AtlanticBlvd. Go north to Huntington Drive, turn right, then left on Sierra MadreBlvd. PARK YOUR CAR just east of Sierra Madre Blvd, on a residential side street, four or five blocks South of Colorado Blvd. Then observe the legendary spectacle somewhere near the corner of Sierra Madre and Colorado Blvd, which is near the end of the parade route.

Afterwards you’ll be starving of course. For me and the gang it’s usually a hearty-heavy-fatty lunch at the North Woods Inn, nearby at the corner of Rosemead and Huntington Drive (7247 Rosemead Blvd, San Gabriel, 626-286-8284). Please don’t forget to marvel at the fake snow on the roof.

Here’s to the Rose Parade and a Happy New year to YOU!!!

Two Sundays ago I opened the Los Angeles Times Sunday Magazine and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head. What I saw couldn’t be real…but there it was. a snow-capped gingerbread house version of LA’s most precious architectural little darling, Randy’s Donut’s. I ate it up with my eyes, swooned over each delicious detail and praised the creative design geniuses at Rosebud Bakery in Beverly Hills that created it.

Two weeks later I get a call from my Holiday Jubilee Show producer saying that he’s standing in front of the Rosebud Bakery in Beverly Hills and there’s a Randy’s Donut gingerbread house sitting in the window and that I simply had to see. This was it! I asked to speak to the culinary design genius that made it. Ellen, the owner of Rosebud Cakes gets on the phone graciously answers all my “How long did it take?” and “how many cake artists?” questions (two days, four people) and the next thing you know she’s says she’ll happily drive it all the way across town in holiday rush hour traffic and display it in the lobby of the Redcat theater where I was doing my show! How SWEET is that??? THANK YOU ROSEBUD CAKES!!!!

Randy’s Donuts irresistible charm, sparkling sense of humor and movie star good looks have made it Southern California’s most charming architectural icon. The land-of-the-giants scale donut billboard over a mid-century modern walk-up/drive thru combo epitomizes our over-the-top, fast food, car culture lifestyle without skipping a beat! And yes, architectural icon-wise it arguably rates right up there with the world’s greatest buildings including the Taj Majal, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Empire State Building and the Eiffel Tower. And if you don’t think I’m being serious here think again!

The unlikely legend was built in 1952. It was the second on a chain of nine and originally called The Big Do-nut Drive-in. Miraculously two of its far less famous sister stores are still standing, Kindles in Compton and Donut King in Gardena. They should’ve been called the Biggest Don-nut Drive-in because they were… and still are!

Here’s to the genius of Rosebud Bakery, Randy’s Donuts and YOU!

A serpentine, sidewalk-less, suburban street frames front lawns planted with modest winter-blooming posies. A toddler age Mexican fan palm and a street lamp flank the driveway. Both are bordered by circular cement scallops, which match the scalloped hemline on that smart felt tree skirt.

I’m not sure if the lady modeling or working the curb?

Here’s to working a tree skirt and YOU!!!

See THE CHARLES PHOENIX HOLIDAY JUBILEE
At the REDCAT Theater in LOS ANGELES at the WALT DISNEY CONCERT HALL

December 17, 18, 19, 20 8:PM
Tickets and Info

Thanksgiving Dinner Reinvented!
Do you love Thanksgiving dinner but like me you’re getting tired of the same ‘ol, traditional dishes year after year, decade after decade. Well this year I decided to do something about it and mix it up a bit by making a Tiki Turkey Dinner. It’s the traditional thanksgiving dinner menu that I grew up with but I gave everything an exotic Polynesian twist! And what a taste treat sensation it turned out to be! I replaced the roast Tom Turkey with a turkey meatloaf carved into the shape of a Tiki! This gives “carving the turkey” a whole new meaning. Mangos make cranberry sauce sensational. And there is no more cornbread stuffing. It’s now Hawaiian bread stuffing with ham and pineapple. I doctored up the yams up with bananas and Kalua, and macadamia nuts on top of the toasted marshmallows. YUM! I had a feeling coconut curry would completely reinvent the green bean casserole and it did. The mashed potatoes were served in the shape of a giant volcano and I renamed gravy lava. And for desert I wanted something really special (and flaming) so in invented the Flaming Coconut Pineapple Apple Pumpkin Upside Down Pie Cake – a two layer yellow cake with a pumpkin pie baked into one layer and an apple pie in the other. The top of the cake looks just like a pineapple upside down cake and the sides like a coconut cake. As if the flame effect before serving wasn’t enough the guests gasped when I cut it to it revealing the pies hiding inside.

I mixed tropical cocktails, Played Martin Denny on the stereo console and greeted each guest with a lei. What a great way to make thanksgiving fun. If you think about it Thanksgiving is out most boring holiday. All we do is eat. But not any more. After dinner is served its time to do the limbo. How low can you go???

Listen for coverage of my Tiki Turkey Dinner Party on NPR’s Day to Day on Thanksgiving Day morning at 10am.

Here is the menu and the recopies:

Tiki Turkey Meatloaf – A Tiki carved out of meatloaf.
You wont eat this one until the next day. It’ll be you’re the centerpiece of your buffet table and the talk of the town the day after thanksgiving. (You’ll make two smaller loaves to serve.) Your guests will be mesmerized and have a new reason and place to give thanks!

9 lbs ground turkey
3 lbs sweet (or spicy) Italian sausage
2 packs of Lawry’s meatloaf seasoning mix
2 Tbsps. onion powder
2 Tbsps. garlic powder
2 Tbsps. Ground pepper
3 cups bread crumbs
6 lg. eggs

2 8” x 4” loaf pans
1 10” x 14” disposable tin roasting pan

Squeeze sausage from casings and add to turkey, bread crumbs, seasonings and well beaten eggs. Fill each of the two small loaf pans with mixture. Fill the large tin with the remaining mixture, get creative and shape like the face of a Tiki god. Smooth the meat’s surface with olive oil “painted on” with a spatula. Bake at 350 for 40-55 minutes or until a probing meat thermometer reads 170 degrees. Drain off fat and remove from pans. Let sit 15 minutes before serving. Slice and serve only the smaller loaves.

Make a “face”on the Tiki loaf by sticking maraschino cherries and pineapple chunks on with multi colored toothpicks. In a very special raised serving dish or vintage electric skillet prop the tiki up by leaning him on a tall glass fixed in a bed of mashed potatoes dyed orange. Garnish with more maraschino cherries and pineapple chunks (lightly tossed in yellow food coloring) and lit votives “sunk into the mashed potatoes.

Cranberry Mango Salsa
1 can Whole Cranberry Sauce
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup fresh or frozen chopped mango

Combine ingredients, chill and serve.

Hawaiian Bread Stuffing
2 loaves of day old Hawaiian Bread
2 sticks of salted butter
¼ cup soy sauce
2 sm. cans chicken stock
1 sm. can pineapple chunks
1½ cups diced ham
1½ cups finely chopped onion
1½ cups finely chopped celery
1½ cups finely chopped carrots
1 Tsps. sage
1 Tsps. Thyme
1 Tsps poultry seasoning

Tear bread into small pieces. Sauté onions, celery, carrots, ham and well-drained pineapple in butter until the onions are translucent. Combine mixture with bread, stock, soy sauce and seasonings. Cover with foil and bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Remove foil and bake uncovered 5 more minutes until its crunchy golden brown on top and serve.

Banana Yams Kailua
4 cans of yams
3 mashed ripe bananas
½ stick of salted butter
½ cup brown sugar
1 cup Kalua
2 cups mini marshmallows
1 cup chopped macadamia nuts

Sauté bananas and brown sugar in the butter until it bubbles. Pour mixture over well-drained yams and add Kalua. Cover with foil and bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Remove foil, top with marshmallows and macadamia nuts and bake uncovered 5 more minutes until the marshmallows are toasted on the top and serve.

Coconut Curry Green Bean Casserole
8 sm. cans French cut green beans
1 sm. can cream of mushroom soup
1 jar coconut curry simmer sauce
¼ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 lg. can French fried onion rings

Combine well-drained beans with soup, coconut curry and peanut butter. Cover with foil and bake for 20 minutes. Remove foil, top with onion rings and bake uncovered 5 more minutes and serve.

Volcano Mashed Potatoes
10 pounds russet potatoes
1 stick butter
1 ½ cups whole milk
1 sm. tub of sour cream
Cut potatoes into bite size pieces and boil in salted water about 15-20 minutes until tender. Mash in milk, butter and sour cream. Shape them into a volcano and serve.

Lava Gravy
3 sm. can of turkey gray
Heat and serve

Flaming Coconut Pineapple Apple Pumpkin Upside Down Pie Cake
1 8” frozen pumpkin pie
1 8” frozen apple pie
1 box yellow cake mix (mixed)
1 tub vanilla frosting
1 cup shredded coconut
4 canned pineapple rings
9 maraschino cherries
2 Tbsp. Lemon Extract (for flambé)

2 9” round cake pans

Defrost pies to room temperature. On top of the pumpkin pie place well-drained pineapple rings and maraschino cherries in symmetrical pattern (think pineapple upside down cake.) Place decorated pumpkin pie face down and centered in a 9” round cake pan. Remove pie from tin and cover with half of the batter. In the other cake pan place the apple pie face down, remove tin and cover with the remaining half of the batter. Bake according to box instructions. Cool and remove from pans. Place apple pie layer face up on very special cake plate and frost the top. Place pumpkin pie layer pineapple side up on top of that. Frost the sides with remaining frosting and cover with coconut. Just before serving pout lemon extract in the middle of the top of the cake. Gather guests around, turn out the lights and light it with a match it. Everyone will gasp then eat it!

Here’s to YOUR TIKI TURKEY DINNER!

What’s better than a nun donning harlequin cat-eye glasses and holding big whirl-wind of cotton candy? A nun donning harlequin cat-eye glasses holding TWO big whirl-winds of cotton candy!

I can’t help it I always enjoy a good nun sighting. But, frankly, I’ve always wondered are those habits they wear considered a costume or a uniform or something else.

My first face-to-face encounter with a nun I’ll never forget. I was 16 years old working my first job behind the candy counter at a movie theater in Upland, CA. Dressed in full regalia, a nun stepped up to the counter and very grumpily ordered a small popcorn and large coke. I was so surprised by her grumpiness because up until that moment I had always thought nuns represented nothing but essence joy and happiness. What a surprise! Perhaps she was just having a bad day.

Speaking of cotton candy, according to the legend it, is a unclear who actually invented the swirly, sweet treat sensation and Americana classic of the highest order. It is, however known that it was around the dawn of the 20th century. Some say it was a vendor at the 1904 St. Louis World’s Fair where it was called fairy floss! Others say it was a dentist in New Orleans trying to drum up more business.

By the way…is cotton a fruit, vegetable or a flower?

Here’s to all nuns, Fairy Floss aka Cotton Candy and YOU!

Cheers!

A papered wall printed with Spanish moss hanging from tall trees separates tasteful titty-pink satin drapes. An itty-bitty day-glo airplane hangs above the four-flag centerpiece. The table is set with Franciscan’s apple pattern and fancy golden-rimmed glassware. Pickles and olives are waiting to be eaten.

These eight ladies are well dressed in smart solids, small-scale polka dots and plaids. Their spit curls and permanent waves make for delightful dos. They should start a club call the red lipstick club because they’re all wearing it.

These ladies were all teachers in the Long Beach High School system. Aren’t they handsome? I wonder if any of them ever married!

Here’s to the lovely ladies their trip and YOU!

Can you believe those beautiful honey blond closet doors? They have no doorknobs!

This slide was clearly marked “Pasadena, 1965.” OK fine. But what I want to know is where in Pasadena in 1965 do you find Goth shoes? They don’t have Goth shops in Pasadena in 1965. Finally I figured it out. Frankenstein had to go to one of those shops that you go to if you have one leg longer than the other!

Wishing you the best Trick-or-Treating EVER!!!!
Happy Halloween!

A stylish and spirited pair of cross-dressing couples hold overexposed signs hand lettered with the words “trick-or-drink.” Clearly these gender-swappers would rather have cocktails than candy! Pumpkin-spiced martini anyone?

According to the legend the Americana tradition of “trick-or-treating” began in the 1930s on the west coast. But nobody seems to know exactly where or when. The black mail-like command didn’t appear in print in a national publication until 1939. For the most part Halloween, as we know it today, and all activities that go with it, are largely a product of the 1950s.

I can remember trick-or-treating as a kid in the 60s, growing up in Ontario, CA, making the neighborhood rounds and then going home and changing into second costume and going out for a second round. I guess you could call me a two-timin’ trick-o-treater or would that be a trick-o-treatin’ two-timer?

Here’s to trick-or-treating for candy AND cocktails…and YOU!!!

Charles shares vintage Halloween slides with Martha on The Martha Stewart Show.

A turquoise neon backlit waterfall is the centerpiece and crowning touch of what has to be the most exotic and over the top restaurant façade ever. The craggily cafeteria front has ‘lil caves of multi-colored light and a jungle of tropical plantings. This was Adventureland before Adventureland – the Tiki Room before the Tiki Room. Clifford Clinton, the king of cafeterias, dreamed this up in 1939. It must’ve been shocking then. It still is today. His son, Don, took this slide IN 1950. Thank you Don!

In the realm of Polynesian themed eateries Clifton’s “Pacific Seas” is, without a question, one of the most spectacular ever! It is the younger and shorter-lived “sister” of Clifton’s “Brookdale” Cafeteria. The “Brookdale,” delightfully done in a most charming redwood forest theme, serves up steam table savories and delicious desserts at the corner of Seventh and Broadway in downtown Los Angeles just as it has since it opened 1935. Clifton’s “Pacific Seas” was just blocks away on Olive just below Sixth. After just twenty-one years the Polynesian palace closed in 1960. For what reason I don’t know. The parking lot that replaced it is still there.

Themed interiors and environments were not invented in Southern California, but they certainly were perfected here. Clifford Clinton was a master right up there with Walt Disney, Walter Knott and Alex Madonna (Madonna Inn.)
Even without our dearly departed Clifton’s “Pacific Seas” cafeteria, downtown Los Angeles is still a hotbed of unique, unusual, bizarre and breathtaking vintage places to experience. And you can do so this Sunday Oct 14 and next Sunday the 21st. Of course, we’ll be eating lunch at Clifton’s “Brookdale” Cafeteria!!!

Here’s to Clifton’s Pacific Seas Cafeteria, the “DISNEYLAND” TOUR OF DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES and YOU!!!