A pink flocked Christmas tree in the picture window, rooftop lighting, double wreathes on the door and illuminated candy canes easily gets the residents of this enchanted house an A++ for their holiday decorating skills. But the fact they got Santa and Mrs. Claus to take time out of their oh-so busy schedules to come over and pose on their front porch is simply amazing. Even more remarkable is that Santa brought seven of his elves along. Looks like one of the little elves is a disciplinarian, another likes the discipline and they like being watched.

How often these days do you see an elf spanking another elf in someone’s front yard at Christmas or any other time of the year for that mater?

Here’s to the elves, the spanking and YOU!

A mid-size, mid-century modern painting stands out on a colorless wall while a white flocked tree is nearly lost against it. Closed-eye grandma sports a colorful corsage on a tri-toned confetti-print dress. Smiling grandpa ties his neck with a tartan plaid and suspends his pants high above his waist. A buttoned-up-baby-blue-blouse-wearing brunette solemnly ponders her green olive selection from what the pretty little poodle is staring at, which is in no uncertain terms, the centerpiece and crowning touch of this candid couch portrait.

This slide first inspired me to create the Astro Weenie Ball – the edible appetizer orb and now, more faithful to the original, this season’s smartest savory sensation, the Astro Weenie Christmas Tree!

The Astro Weenie Christmas Tree is a cooking and a craft project in one. No need to wear yourself out by doing both this year. You can make one too! Check out my instructional video short at www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb5DMQDpzzk then post your creation on the Astro Weenie Christmas Tree Blog.

Here’s to the poodle, the original edible Christmas tree and YOU!

This is what do you get when you stud a tinfoil wrapped Styrofoam cone with cocktail weenies, green olives, black olives, pearl onions, baby dills, pineapple chunks, pummeled carrots, radishes, broccoli and cauliflower then top it with a slice of star fruit star! I just couldn’t help myself! I had to do it!

An edible Christmas tree in a 1960s slide from the Retro Holiday Slide Show inspired me to create this timeless tower of tidbits – this beauteous beacon of bites. It’s the smartest savory sampler that you will see this season!

You can make one too! See the instructional video on YouTube.com

Post a pic of your version on the ASTRO WEENIE CHRISTMAS TREE blog

THE RETRO HOLIDAY SLIDE SHOW begins Wed Nov 29th at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. Click here for tickets.

Here’s to your Astro Weenie Christmas Tree and YOU!

Witness the construction of the this remarkable piece of Americana by Charles Phoenix, in this video, directed by ZZalgern0n, for all the important information. You will be astounded, flabbergasted, petrified, and driven insane by your own beautiful concoction.  It might be the centerpiece of your entire town!

Let the inspiration drive you to make YOUR OWN CRAFTY KITCHEN CREATION, and send us the pictures! We’ll post the very best right here in the Test Kitchen… so get to making, and show us your own masterpiece!

This is, in no uncertain terms, my favorite pagoda in all of Los Angeles. Golden yellow paired with Chinese red and Buddha blue trim have never looked so good together! Even the Kirin sponsored Chinese lanterns match!

The Golden Pagoda Restaurant isn’t the centerpiece of Chinatown, but it certainly is the crowning touch. Except for the name, which has been changed to Hop Louie, it looks virtually the same today as it did when it opened in 1941. It’s one of the many kitsch-cultural stops on my “Disneyland” tour of downtown tour this weekend and next. Standing in front of it is like being in a dream. (No, not the kind you get after eating too much Chinese food!)

When you walk in the door off to the left is the lounge should you desire an exotic cocktail before you saunter up the staircase to the second floor where you will find the most spectacular mid-century Chinese modern dining room on earth! If Lucy and Ethyl ever went for Chinese food this is where they would go.

No updated Chinese restaurant menu here. Oh no! They still serve 1950s style Chinese food. Entrees are served drowning in red, white, or brown goop. It reminds me of the authentically unauthentic Chinese food that I grew up eating at the Yangtze in Ontario, CA. When in doubt you can’t go wrong with the egg drop soup.

The best table in the house is the only table actually in the Pagoda. Recently, I asked the hostess “How may does the booth in the pagoda seat.” She looked me up and down and said “eight heavy-set people!” Well, I thought “no second helpings of sweet and sour pork for me!”

Here’s to the Golden Pagoda, Chinatown and YOU!

Inside a store on a New York City pier is a most unlikely spot to be seen on Halloween night. Either coming or going though the decal decorated glass door that says PIER 88 backwards and advertises 7up twice, a lovely lady sporting a smart grey swing coat smiles. Body language speaks volumes. Especially bar stool body language. Apparently young Master Snooty isn’t terribly impressed with the Halloween hobo look of 1957! Could it be the painted beard that’s overgrown up his nose and between his eyes? Otherwise little Mr. Hobo man is perfect in every detail right down to the cigar, mismatched patches and giant safety pin keeping his fly closed. Where’s Master Snooty’s costume?

Ancient religious harvest time traditions have evolved into our most bizarre holiday.
Children disguise themselves and threaten neighbors. Trick or treat. Give me candy or there will be consequences. That’s not very polite and certainly not very neighborly. Yet trick or treaters aren’t greedy. They are not trying to extort a whole candy bar – just an individually wrapped special Halloween bite size sample will do.

Here’s to the hobo, eating more candy than on any other day of the year and YOU!
Trick or treat!

Pebbly-patterned wallpaper. A milk glass-trimmed floor lamp shaded with red-trimmed white ruffles. Above that, hanging on the wall, a hand carved mask fresh from the exotic import shop. And proudly placed on the corner bookshelf, flanked by portable radios, is a talking picture machine. The olive-grey, gold-framed tube says look at me. The giant knobs say turn me.

This is the 1963 version of Whistler’s Mother knitting. Her hair is as ruffled as the lamp shade and harmoniously color coordinated with the shelves, TV cabinet and butterscotch boucle-covered recliner. Her blue cheese print dress goes with the wallpaper. Does she realize she can knit and watch TV at the same time? Or eat and watch TV at the same time?

In 1954 the fine folks at Swanson introduced the TV Dinner. How convenient. What a concept. Just heat and serve – in front of the TV while watching your favorite dinner time shows which, by the way, are really just filler between commercials.

Here’s to knitting, Televisions, TV dinners and YOU!

But first…

CHARLES PHOENIX’S DISNEYLAND TOUR OF DOWNTOWM LOS ANGELES is back!

– NEW TOUR DATES – Sundays Nov 5 & 12
For more info click here
For NOV 5 tickets
For NOV 12 tickets

Life is full of typos…especially my life! Last week I called the Beverly HILton Hotel the Beverly HILLS Hotel. So I’m a lousy proof-reader! Maybe the two hotels can merge and become the Beverly HILLSTON Hotels– just an idea!

Anyway, this is If this were a perfect slide of the Beverly Hills Hotel that 1955 Oldsmobile, missing a hubcap, would be a white Roll-Royce. Oh well. Miraculously this oh-so glamorous hotel looks exactly the same today. The titty-pink and bluish-green color scheme, “handwritten” signage, and those palm trees lining the motor entrance like soldiers remain unchanged.

The Beverly Hills Hotel has been a landmark at the corner of Sunset and Beverly Drive since it was built in 1912. It really was the beginning of Beverly Hills. The “new wing” you see in the foreground was built in 1948, the year after the aging hotel was redecorated, painted pink and nick-named the “Pink Palace.”

The hotel’s coffee shop is one of my favorite “vintage” places to eat if and when I’m passing through the Hills of Beverly. The free-form breakfast and lunch counter is cozy. There are no booths or tables. And it too is virtually the same as it was when it opened in 1948.

A few years ago I ate breakfast there on what just happened to be the morning of the Academy Awards. As I sat down at the quaint coffee shop counter to eat I had a psychic vibe that someone famous was going to come in and plop right down on the stool beside me. Sure enough not twenty seconds later here comes -of all people- Joan Collins traipsing in. Yes, she sat down right next to me. The only other thing I remember is that she didn’t like the way her bacon was cooked! I would’ve eaten those savory, crispy pig slices. They looked fine to me. But they weren’t offered. Then the bill came. She refused to pay for the bacon.

Here’s to the typos, The Beverly Hills Hotel, bacon and YOU!