We had a pink flocked tree when I was about 5 or 6. Mom bought pink glass ornaments encased in pink net and pearls. It was awesome! I don’t think that was the same year my dad bought a color wheel though. Although we never had an aluminum tree, he thought it was a good idea to have that instead of jumbled up strings of lights on the tree. I think he had been drinking a little when he bought it.

Dear me! Where have I been? It must be all those episodes of Prison Break I’ve been watching. I do worry about those two brothers … how ever will they get out of this jam? How will Michael and Lincoln handle the emotional toll this odyssey is exacting from them? Now there I go again! Confession: I’ve been thinking of compiling a guide titled, _Maintaining Politeness While On the Run From Nefarious Forces in the Government_ (“please” and “thank you” are always a welcome courtesy, even if the border patrol has put you and your angry brother into a holding pen) … but I have found time to dispense some Christmas etiquette and ideas for us!

Who better to turn to than Eleanor Adams, the author of _The Little Book of Christmas_ (1966), one book among the many from the Amy Vanderbilt Success Program for Women series? Now I did look carefully through every page and she simply does not address the appropriateness of having spanking elves on your front lawn. Imagine that! I can imagine, however, given the solemn tone of most of her advice, she would shake her finger mightily at having such, uh, an adult display for all the kiddies to see.

Speaking of the kiddies – what ever will you serve to those hordes of teen descending on your home during this most wonderful time of the year? According to Eleanor, roving bands of teens might just raid your fridge at any moment this holiday season. Let’s consult her list of foods appropriate to feed these marauders:

At least once during the holidays son or daughter will probably ask in advance if he or she can entertain the crowd after a dance. They won’t want anything fancy – just some hearty food which they can manage on their own. This is the perfect occasion for informal fare – it can be prepared ahead, much of it store-bought. If the young people want to handle everything themselves you can spread out a buffet, ready for them to serve, just before you expect them to arrive. Or you can leave a typed list in the kitchen of all the edibles and which ones must be removed from the refrigerator.

What type of fare to choose? Here are some hints:

Meats: Assorted Cold Cuts, Cold Roast Beef, Cocktail Frankfurters

Fish: Spiced Shrimp, Sardines, Herring, Picked or Creamed

Salads: Old-fashioned Potato Salad, Chicken Salad, Macaroni Salad, Coleslaw

Vegetables: Radishes, Carrot Sticks, Cauliflowerets, Cherry Tomatoes, Celery Sticks (to serve with a Sour-Cream-and-Onion-Soup-Mix Dip)

Relishes: Pickles, Sweet and Dill; Olives, Mustard, Ketchup

Cheeses: Sliced American and Swiss, Edam and Brie

Sweets: Fruit Bars or Holiday Cookies; Popcorn Balls; Christmas Candy

Oh those crazy teens with their creamed herring and their brie sandwiches! What a bunch of cut-ups! I can’t wait for them to sneak into my kitchen. Who wants edam and spiced shrimp? What about you, Taffy? Roast beef and a spot of sardines?

And might I have some bad manners for just a minute? I must toot my own horn and say: go to fox.eprize.net/prisonbreak and look for me, Sharon B. (I can’t be called Miss Sharon around the prisoners, of course!) Make my Prison Break dreams come true! I wonder which brother would enjoy pickled herring?

xoxo!
Miss Sharon

Merry Xmas, Charles!

Here’s to a spanking good Xmas and New Year to you, Charles, and to all the good folks on this list!