Our knitter may have lived in the Fresno or Bakersfield areas (where all TV was UHF and a VHF-only set was useless without one) or may have lived in L.A. and known Spanish, and needed the box to watch channel 34.

What a curious opener, right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking? But you will soon see how I can be so inspired to urge us all toward better living through safety.

Our stalwart lady in her festive wrapper made me think, “Dear me, lovely lady! Look at all those menaces that surround you: TV, lamp, books, knitting needles! I’m practically petrified just looking at you spending your leisure time in a death trap!” I mean, really — that TV alone could topple a family of five! With these concerns in mind I turn once again to a helpful volume in _The Amy Vanderbilt Success Program For Women”_written by Joan O’Sullivan (1964). The particular volume is titled, _How to be Safe in Your Home_ and as such, we will begin at the beginning: words of wisdom about safety from Joan.

“There’s no place like home, no place at all. It’s probably just as well for statistics show home couldn’t be more hazardous had a commando band booby-trapped it. From attic to basement (if you live in a house) or from wall to wall (if you’re an apartment dweller), the average household presents more perils than Pauline faced in fifty cliff-hanging episodes.”

Yipes! I’m frightened already. But wait … there is more scaredy cat feelings lurking right around the corner … Let’s look at the chapter lovingly called “Stay Alive in the Living Room” and see what perils lurk for our lady. I think you might be surprised! A short list:

Fireplaces: “It would seem that children, young and old, like playing with fire. This is how people get burned.”

Where’s There’s Smoking: “If you smoke, watch you for fire. The wonderful weed may not be loaded but it’s potentially lethal. Unlit, it’s poisonous eaten. Lit, it can start a fire.”

The TV Set: “Sooner or later, a TV set blacks out, loses the picture, or lapses into total silence and black nothingness. When this moment comes, hands off unless you’re an expert. A TV is nothing to tinker with unless you really know your way around the tubes.”

The Can Floor You: Wall-to-wall carpeting has much to commend it [...] If it’s getting into a worn-to-worn state, though, you may be heading floorward. A spike heel caught in a carpet hole or tear is dangerous. Scatter rugs are something else again. They’re aptly named because nothing can scatter you — arms and legs going in all directions — so surely or swiftly.”

Table Talk: “The average table doesn’t pose much of a hazard to life and limb unless it’s weak-kneed or rickety and likely to collapse the instant you set a tray of refreshments, including a pot of hot coffee, atop it.”

Gosh even tables can be dangerous! Oh Knitter of the Mystery Item please be careful! That lamp is practically ready to jump in your lap. I’m so scared now I think I’ll just stay here on the couch (away from the rug and tables and the TV) and let my Mister bring me my necessities. Perhaps Fancy Knitter would like to join me!

xoxo!
Miss Sharon