Oh swoon! The cars! The neon signs! It almost makes a gal want to run off to Reno for a quickie divorce. It is hard for me to think of Reno without thinking of movies like _The Women_ wherein a divorce in Reno usually means vaguely Western-styled clothing and a little slapstick comedy. As I gazed at Mr. Big But Stylish jetting across the street, I thought: “Is he drowning his divorce sorrows in a little gambling? And if so, is he behaving properly?” And thus, I consulted an old favorite from the editors of Esquire Magazine, _The New Esquire Etiquette: A Guide to Business, Sport, and Social Conduct_ ( 1959). An etiquette guide in which “those ladylike rules which are not comfortable and natural for a man to follow” have been ruthlessly set aside. And doesn’t that sound just right for our modern man?

Buried in the “Social Etiquette” chapter is a little advice on “divorce etiquette” — perhaps just what Mr. Running But Suited Needs. Shall we look?

“Etiquette dictates that she divorce you, no matter what, and, no matter what, that you don’t talk about it. The rest of it is a matter for lawyers and bankers, but there is a convention that the wedding presents (like trousseau linen) belong to the woman.

Once the divorce is final, she substitutes her maiden name for your first name — Mrs. John Jones, nee Mary Smith, becomes Mrs. Smith Jones. Your children keep your name until legally changed, with your consent. Your name is probably mud [...]

Your previous marriage has some effect on the etiquette of your next one, of course — you will know enough to avoid comparisons; you’ll know better than to try to kindle a friendship between your first and second wives; you’ll be wise enough to forewarn old friends so that you don’t have to explain the divorce in front of your new wife.

When you and your ex-wife happen to meet in public, your conduct should be designed to avoid embarrassing others.. Old-school chumminess can sometimes be as embarrassing to onlookers as evidence of dislike. Impersonal politeness, if it’s possible, is always safe.”

Oh Dashingly Dashing Across the Street! You poor soul! He looks like the type to try for that “old-school chumminess” that is apparently quite unpleasant for all involved. Oh dear. Well, let’s hope that the fresh air will return him to his wits and that he will stop talking about his ex-wives and promptly give back their linen. At least he knows he can get some smokes and money over there on the right-hand side of the street. Comforting, I’m sure.

xoxo!
Miss Sharon