In a dank, dark basement a genuine skeleton dances with a very happy woman. As they sway to the rhythm the Skeleton enjoys a cigarette. There’s a cigarette butt in his mouth. And, by the way, the skeleton is not an imposter. A man came up to me after a slide show and said, “I’m a doctor and that skeleton is real!” (thanks for the info doc!). Behind them, on a crepe paper tablecloth with well-preserved fold lines, sit several bottles of boos. At least one of them is half empty. Behind the tabletop bar is a dryer. That’s very progressive. Most people didn’t have dryers in 1962. And most people don’t usually dance with dead people at parties either!

Too bad they are in St. Louis and not Southern California because chances are pretty slim they’re going to wake up the next morning all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and go to the Rose Parade in Pasadena. In no uncertain terms the Rose Parade is the grandest and most detailed parade on the planet. The prized show horses, champion marching bands and rolling flower petal art procession is Southern California’s most colorful tradition. It all began on New Years Day way back in 1890 when members of the Valley Hunt Club decorated their buggies with flowers and paraded down the avenue.

But to REALLY enjoy the Rose Parade you have to see it in person. It’s a million-trillion times more spectacular when you are there. The detail is overwhelming! Your imagination will be inspired and your spirit will soar! But don’t think that you don’t have to get there the night before to get a great spot, oh-no! Here’s the deal. Arrive at the parade about 8:30AM. The trick is to get a spot at the end of the parade route – Colorado and Sierra Madre. And it’s FREE!

DIRECTIONS…From LA take the San Bernardino Fwy (10) exit at Atlantic Blvd. Go north to Huntington Drive, turn right, then left on Sierra Madre Blvd. PARK YOUR CAR just east of Sierra Madre Blvd, on a residential side street, four or five blocks South of Colorado Blvd. Then bask in the rosy glow of all the posy petals and pomp and circumstance somewhere near the corner of Sierra Madre and Colorado Blvd, which is near the end of the parade route.

Afterwards you’ll be starving of course. Please allow me to recommend the hearty-heavy-fatty fare at one of Southern California’s most extreme themed restaurants, the North Woods Inn. It’s located nearby at the corner of Rosemead and Huntington Drive (7247 Rosemead Blvd, San Gabriel, 626-286-8284). Please don’t forget to marvel at the fake snow on the roof.

And.if you’re up early watch for me on the KTLA Pre-Rose Parade Show beginning at 6am.

Wishing you and yours the happiest of Happy New Years!

Cheers to the Scary New Years Eve party, the Rose Parade and YOU!

NEXT PERFORMANCE:
Saturday January 21, 2006 – 8pm

Lancaster Performing Arts Center, Lancaster, CA
Info & Purchase Tickets Online now

“Our journey begins backing out of the driveway…”

See the sights, scenes and situations that inspired a generation of camera totin’ tourists to “say cheese” while traveling across this great country. Visit kitschy tourist traps and classic roadside attractions while staying in mom-and-pop motels. Enjoy fabulous Las Vegas, New Orleans, Miami Beach and Waikiki. Experience world’s fairs, National Parks, big cities and America’s heartland while meeting meet “long lost relatives” all along the way and much, much more.

"Most Unique Theatrical Performance." Award

–2003 New York Fringe Theatre Festival

"…Wickedly Funny…"

–LA Times (Critic’s Choice)

"a revelatory gem…charming, eccentric and laugh-out loud funny"

-New York Sun Times

When I was growing up the tradition in my family is that we always got our Christmas tree on my birthday – December 20th, and I got to pick it out. When I was in first grade my parents cut loose and actually let me pick out a flocked tree. Getting a flocked tree is Southern California’s version of having a white Christmas.

We didn’t put lights on it because my worrywart mother was afraid it would catch on fire and burn the house down. Is flocking flammable? We never got one again. But every year, without fail, I dream of having a flocked tree. So this year, darn it, I’ve made up my mind – I’m going to get one! I’m not talking about the ordinary Christmas tree lot variety – a white one – oh no! Been there done that! I want a tree flocked in color – turquoise would be my first choice but I would gleefully settle for mint green, periwinkle blue, lavender, peach or pink.
And that brings me to this week’s slide taken at the

ALCOA ALUMINUM COMPANY, LOS ANGELES, 1955.
Nine lovely lady employees are beautifully uniformed in classic shirtwaist dresses in one of two shades of blue-bright and light. Their white collars, cuffs and breast-pocket trim match the winter white coveralls that the lone gentleman wears so well with black shoes and socks. In the foreground a brown paper bag, probably with someone’s lunch in it, sits on a stained wood desk. In the background a honey blond wood paneled wall and a variety of glossy green houseplants. The centerpiece is unlike any Christmas tree I’ve ever had the joy of seeing. It’s not only flocked, it’s flocked in two-tone pink. The higher it goes the pinker it gets! Christmas inspires so much creativity.

In a half-dozen online dictionaries I looked up flock and not one of them had a definition that had anything to do with a flocked Christmas tree. Flocking is a rare thing. In fact there aren’t a lot of flocked things in this world. Paper must’ve been the thing that was flocked – wallpaper. And God knows we all love flocked wallpaper – especially flocked foil wallpaper! Besides the occasional flocked Christmas tree and fancy flocked wallpaper the only other flocked thing that I can think of are those little bobber-head dogs that people used to have on the package tray between the back seat and the back window of their car.

What is the history of flocking anyway? Who flocked the first tree? We rarely do the flocking ourselves. We let someone else flock for us. But for those who do want to flock themselves you can you can get a can of flock. Yes, flocking comes in an aerosol can. Oh, then that must mean that flocked trees are bad for the ozone? So we wear sun block on the 4th of July so we can have a flocked tree for Christmas.

Here’s to Flocking and you!

Next Performance:
Sat. Jan. 14, 2006, 2 & 8pm

Norris Theatre, Rolling Hills, California
Info & online Ticket Sales here

"It is the age of space and we have just landed in the most modern metropolis on the planet…"

Celebrate how we lived, shopped, worked, played and partied in the 1940, 50s & 60s. Experience the ultimate era of car culture, suburbia, space age style, fast food stands, shopping centers, bowling alleys and drive-ins like you never have before. Visit the famous landmarks of Hollywood’s "golden era." and take a peek behind the scenes of one of the most famous movies of all time. Tour Bunker Hill, downtown’s Los Angeles’s vanished Victorian neighborhood, and visit Knott’s Berry Farm, Marineland, and Disneyland when they were new and much, much, more.

Cheers to the shape of that woman’s brassiere, her titty-pink top and her shocking pink hostess pants.

Cheers to the Hugh Hefner wannabee.

Cheers to the two ladies toasting on the couch – especially the most glamorous woman in the history of my slide collection. She wears a timeless-classic ostrich feather hat and smokes a cigarette with an abundance of style.

Cheers to the Christmas tree, the ornaments, garland, lights and heaven-sent angel on top.

Cheers to all of you and yours!

Wishing you and yours the Merriest and the Happiest!

Have you ever spent Christmas in Christmas? Christmas, Michigan. How about Easter in Easter, TX? Have you ever been to Santa Claus? Santa Claus, Indiana or Santa Claus, Georgia? Were you ever served Christmas dinner at this week’s slide: Christmas Tree Inn, Santa Claus, Arizona, 1951.

A bullet-nosed Studebaker with suicide doors is parked up front. Tourists pose with the patio furniture. A plywood Christmas tree is strung with lights and a Santa cutout stands on the candy cane striped roof, ready to go down the chimney. Fine food is promoted in neon.

In the late 1930’s a Mr. and Mrs. Douglas began serving lunches and dinners to tourists passing through town. To attract more customers they decorated the house for Christmas and changed the name. Dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claus, they served up a five-course meal that included reindeer and chicken soup, Mary’s Little Lamb Chops, North Pole Salad and your choice of Stardust or Fairyland Cake for dessert. Ultimately their Christmas themed restaurant inspired the name of the town. But by the 1960s the novelty had worn off and they stopped serving.

I wonder if the house is still standing.

Here’s to you and the Christmas Tree Inn.

Dinner is served amid warm and inviting early American décor (yes, I
know you just love that gorgeous ruffled lampshade in the background.)
Three generations are represented here. Grandpa takes his place at the head of the table. Grandma, sporting pearls, horn-rimmed glasses and a timeless gingham check apron, is the waitress. Chances are she was the cook too. Is that a big bowl of Ambrosia I see right up front? (My spirit is soaring!)

This family expresses themselves with both the closed mouth smile and the open mouth smile. The man on the right in the classic Clark Kent glasses and the skunk-armed sweater, and the lady he’s passing the big-dish-of-something too, show us all how to pose properly while eating Thanksgiving dinner. Just don’t forget to swallow first.

Really the flavorful feast is meat and mush. And the gravy just makes it all even mushier. This is the dinner that doesn’t discriminate against people who don’t have teeth! The mashed potatoes, yams, stuffing, pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce require only gums to eat. Perfect for great-grandma and baby too!

Speaking of cranberry sauce there is nothing saucy about it. Sauce doesn’t stand up like the most refined version of the bittersweet turkey compliment- the jellied variety that when de-canned remains in the shape of the label-wrapped tin it came in. Always serve it standing up of course! And who thought of serving the unlikely combo of cranberry sauce and turkey in the first place? The same pilgrim who thought of serving mint jelly and leg-of-lamb? Wonder why he didn’t think of serving marmalade with roast beef. The Chinese did – it’s called Orange Beef- and oh, is it good!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

GREEN PUMPKIN PIE?

Wednesday night while strolling through Farmer’s Market, a Los Angeles landmark since 1934, I saw something I don’t remember ever seeing before – green and grey pumpkins. And that leads me to this week’s slide: PUMPKINS, BUFFALO, NEW YORK, 1955.

Two weeks ago Slide of the Week members saw these same two ladies in the parking lot of a modern shopping center in Buffalo, New York. This week, we see them posing roadside with a big plump pumpkin and several more in the back of a 1950 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon.

From mini to massive, Pumpkins come in a wider variety of sizes than any other fruit or vegetable. We don’t really think of them as fruits or vegetables – they are simply pumpkins. And who named them that anyway? Pumpkins are the superstar of the squash family – zucchini is a cousin. Each and every year they do double duty starring in not one, but two of our harvest time Holidays as we trick-or-treat and give thanks. For Halloween we carve faces on them and call them Jack-o-lanterns. That makes them related to Tikis. Mashed, sweetened, spiced and baked in a flaky crust they are also the finishing touch of choice to Thanksgiving dinner.

Making pies from scratch this year? Try something different – bake a green pumpkin pie. And while you’re at it, how about a grey one too.

I’ll try a slice!

Here’s to you and your pumpkins – no matter what color they are,

A giant chicken nests on a pick-up truck parked in front of a Chrysler-Plymouth dealer. Behind it in the window a coral ‘56 Chrysler Windsor is on display. What the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile is to Oscar Meyer the Chicken Dinner Candy Truck is to Chicken Dinner Candy.

Yes, there really was a candy called “Chicken Dinner Candy.” It must’ve been something like eating sweet chicken bullion. The Sperry Candy Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin manufactured the odd candy. Even with its rusty chrome wheel cover the colorful one-of-a-kind pick-up promoted the candy better than any billboard could as it drove around town making promotion stops. Color-wise, the fender skirted, turquoise and yellow two-toned truck is a stark contrast to the hot pink chicken perched on top like a camper. Perhaps the big bird was stocked with the sweet treat and the wings flapped up to create shade for the window to buy the candy.

Whatever happened to this strange candy, this time it was made, who concocted it and where is this truck now? Was it vegetarian or was there chicken in it? I wish I could tell you. Mmmmm.

Speaking of Candy, one of Southern California’s sweetest holiday traditions continues nightly this holiday season until December 23rd at Logan’s Candies, in my hometown of Ontario. Since 1933 they’ve been making hand-made candy canes. The mesmerizing ritual takes place in full view of the customers. Watching candy canes being made is hypnotic. They range from 6″ to 16′ and are priced between one and one-thousand dollars. Also while you’re there make sure to stock up on some of their psychedelic colored ribbon candy. They’re also made right there. The old neon sign out front isn’t bad either.

Logan’s Candies is at 125 W. B St., Ontario, 909-984-5410.

Here’s to Chicken Dinner Candy, Logan’s Candy Canes and You!